Updated FACT SHEET (10/99)

About PAN:

The Pun American Newsletter, published since 1989, is a quarterly publication
dedicated simply to those who enjoy a good pun--a good laugh--and a bit of mental stimulation.
It publishes, not only puns, but pun-cartoons and pun-photos.
Most of the material in PAN is submitted by readers and by members of the
Pun American Club which meets monthly in Highland Park, IL.
 
 
 
 

Pun Definition:

The humorous use of a word in such a way as to suggest different meanings or applications - or of
words having the same or nearly the same sound, but different meanings.

The Purpose of the Pun American Newsletter:

"To encourage the use of puns under correct circumstances and timing in everyday conversation, in
journalism and other writing including advertising, and to make puns more intellectually acceptable -
and to have fun."
The Best of the Pun American Newsletter:

The midget said it is better to have loved a short girl than never to have loved a tall.

What do you get when you buy crayons for your children or grandchildren?
A gift to make your kin scrawl.

Yogi Berra, master of the unintentional pun, is allegedly responsible for these.
On Mickey Mantle: "He can hit just as good right-handed as he can left-handed. He's
just naturally amphibious." After Berra was given a check inscribed,
"Pay to the bearer," he reportedly said, "That ain't the way to spell my name."

Original sin: A transgression no one has thought of before.

Joe: Well, I just had my appendix out. Moe: Have a scar?" Joe: "No, I don't smoke."

Four Scotsmen were playing golf on an extremely hot day. On the 14th hole, the heat got
to old Angus and he suffered sun stroke. The other three made him count it.

Many a girl is looking for an older man - with a strong will - made out of her.
(In due time, it would be hearse to receive.)

Lament of long-suffering wife: "Sometimes in the morning I wake up grouchy.
Other mornings, I let him sleep."

The multi-millionaire, sent his ailing girlfriend a get-well car.

Some observers point out the similarity in sound between "in congress" and "incongruous."

After unexpectedly losing a basketball game to Northwestern University,
former University of Illinois coach Lou Henson was asked by a reporter about his team's execution:
Quipped Henson: "I think it would be a good idea!"

The sleepy middle-age lovers, couldn't stay awake for a second.

Fortune teller gets into trouble and ends up in jail. Later he escapes, and newspaper uses headline,
"Small Medium at Large."

Because females sometimes tend to dress more scantily than men, they should be called the nuder gender.

A rather uncouth girl was sent of a finishing school in England. Upon her return to United States
(now completely couthed) it was said, "She went abroad and came back a lady."

The doctor fell in the well and broke his colorbone. Doctors should tend the sick and leave the well alone.

Going back into history, we find Robespierre at the guillotine, looking at the man behind him and
saying, "I believe I'm a little ahead of you - but I think you are necks."

The termite comedian said, "This will bring the house down."

The shrink canceled her patients appointment because she was tired and didn't want
to go through the emotions.

The preceding puns are from unknown sources (often with good reason) and
unidentified members of the Pun American Club. Following are "attribution" puns:

The miserly squirrel could never find a mate because he insisted on a prenutshell agreement
- submitted by Seymour Kapetansky, Southfield, MI.

Picasso's famous portrait "Woman with Three Navels" is good for a belly laugh.
- by 86 year~ld Shelby Friedman, Dallas, TX.

If NASA ever decides to put a bunch of dairy cows into space, it would be the first herd shot around
the world. - submitted by Ralph Dukes, El Paso, IL.

At a reception, a lawyer said to a judge, "I see that you are drinking coffee. Why don't you try
something more stimulating? Have you ever tried bourbon? "No, replied the judge, "but I have
tried several who have." - submitted by John A. Fenn, West Palm Beach, FL.

"I think the problem with children's education today is often apparent."
- submitted by Irving S. Rosenfeld, Charlestown, SC.

Air France included the following unintentional puns in a house organ for its employees
- a round up of amusing signs from around the world.

In a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chanbermaid."

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Dresses for street walking."

In Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you will find they are best in the long run.

Want to see a sample copy first? 

Send a stamped, addressed #10 envelope (business size) to Pun at the address below.

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Pun American Newsletter
1165 Elmwood Place
Deerfield, IL 60015

Hurry, rates will go up January 1, 2000!
 

Many well-known personalities have punned or made statements about puns:

JAMES BOSELL SAID "A good pun may be admitted among the small excellencies of lively conversations."

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW, "If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."

DOROTHY PARKER REPORTEDLY SAID, "If all the girls who went to the Yale Prom were laid from end
to end, I wouldn't be surprised."

WINSTON CHURCHILL, 'The young sow wild oats. The old grow sage."

FRED ALLEN, the late comedian, said, "Television is called a medium because rarely is anything well done."

CHARLES LAMB SAID, "A pun is not bound by the laws which limit nicer wit. It is a pistol let
off at the ear, not a feather to tickle the intellect." (PAN, of course, disagrees.)

JONATHAN SWIFT SAID, "Punning is a talent which no man affects to dispise but that is without it."

ROBERT FROST ON ACCEPTING HONORARY DOCTORATE, "Funny how I got to be educated by degrees."

EDGAR ALLEN POE SAID, "The goodness of the true pun is in direct ratio to its intolerability."

THE LATE GREEN BAY PACKERS' COACH VINCE LOMBARDI SAID, "If you aren't fired
with enthusiasm, you'll be fired with enthusiasm.

SIR HENRY RASKIN SAID, "If a pun is the lowest form of humor, it is therefore the foundation of all wit."

Not all puns have to be funny. Puns are often used to make serious points:

Let's not be too hard on the cigarette industry. After all, they have come up with a cure for old age.

There's so much drinking now on college campuses, we should call them, 'The alcohols of ivy."

James Brady, presidential press secretary, who was shot in the assassination attempt on former
President Reagan is shown in cartoon dealing with the then proposed Brady Gun Bill. Brady is seated
in a wheelchair. The caption in the balloon above his head reads, "You know where I stand."

In an Encyclopedia Britannica retail store: A sign reading: "Just say Know."

Why Writers Use Puns:

Writers use puns because humor is one of the most effective ways of communicating and teaching.
Puns pleasantly interrupt the flow - and make written material more readable and interesting.
Puns teach the nuances of words (and maybe old-ances, too). A pun is like the sun suddenly breaking
through the clouds. It makes things a lot brighter.

Readership:

Indications are that our readership is largely 30 and up. We have higher-than-expected
circulation among doctors, lawyers, ministers and teachers. Over the years, we have had senior
contributors - the oldest being 85 and 95. Also small fry - 5 to 12 years old.

Pun Selection Process:

There are three editors. If two of the three like the submitted pun, it is used. (Our tastes in humor
vary widely.) More than 85% of the content of the newsletter, including cartoons, is contributed by readers.

Keep Those Puns Coming!

Yes, We'd like to consider your puns! On the matter of contributed puns, the Pun American Newsletter
has the following policy: "Payment for any pun that you submit and is published is the glory of being
published, and the fact that your name will be known by punsters worldwide. Your materials may be
edited and, in some circumstances, released for use in other selected publications.