Humor me please...

For those of you who have been returning to this site for the humorous side of things, I am sorry but the more I look the less funny things seem to be! However I continue to add bits of humor to everything (it tends to help keep me sane !!) However if you consider yourself part of the moral right you will probably find this entire site full of humor..
Jokes are followed by links at the bottom of this page :p

Remember:
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number
of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at
an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually
produce all the world`s great literary works in Braille.

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it`s inoperable - in fact, it`s so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there`s a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a rip-off - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

English...
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Science Corner...

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo.
When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That`s why you always feel smarter after a few beers. And...Now you know the REST of the story...